Five years ago at this time of night I would have been on my way to the local piano bar for long necks and music with my sorority sisters.
Dancing on the stage and screaming the lyrics of Journey was just a given. I was young, free and full of dreams.
We all were.
A large group of us still stay in touch. We get together several times a year and reminisce. They are my family. This past trip I sensed a lull in the conversation, a speed bump in the ease of our friendship. It was the first get-together since I had quit my job and became a stay-at-home-mother.
I think the two are correlated and it breaks my heart.
These amazing women are all young professionals. One has moved to New York City and works for a prominent fashion designer (think Devil Wears Prada.) Another is pursuing her dream of acting in Los Angeles. Several are teachers, specifically serving in low income communities or through programs like Teach For America. I am so proud of each of them but I long for that connection again.
I
willing chose to become a wife and young mother. I
willing chose to stop working at a magazine and stay at home to raise my son. I have cultivated new dreams for myself.
Not better, not worse, just different.
My hopes and dreams? Revolve around these two:
I couldn't be happier with my life but I miss my sisters. I impatiently wait for the day when they become wives and mothers and we once again have that common bond. For now? I admire and support their success from afar.
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Linking up with Shell for Pour Your Heart Out.
Well, at least you are putting your action where your priorities are. I wish I could tell you that your relationships with these women will get better...a few of them may but unfortunately, it is just part of the game. By the time they have children your child will be older perhaps you may have your second when they are having their first but it is still different. I like what you said, not better or worse just different and different is Ok! Time for you to find some new Mommy friends! I applaud you for putting your family first. You will NEVER regret it! (At least that is my take on it.) I must also tell you that life gets really good around 40--you can put what you want into words and since you started early, your children will be really independent by then! Keep on keepin' on sista! Thanks for visiting me!
ReplyDeleteI was never in a sorority, but I understand that loss of connection when you have children younger than your friends. It does get better...in time.
ReplyDeleteI think this can happen in any circle of friends, not just with sorority women. We all grow and change.
DeleteI think I fall into the category opposite of you. At 29, most friends my age or younger who are married already have a child or having a second child. It's true sometimes, we can't relate but I'm being equipped by reading parenting blogs that keep me sensitive towards the feelings of my mummy-friends. I wish I'll join your circle soon :)
ReplyDeleteI think you're right in saying that by adapting and trying to relate you can keep a relationship going. I always make a point to ask about jobs and life in general with my friends.
DeleteI can completely understand, but from the opposite perspective (if that makes any sense). I have sorority sister that are holding down stable jobs, planning their weddings and having babies. I'm 800 miles south and working on my PhD. It's okay to have your focus on your family--more than okay actually! In the end, they are all you have.
ReplyDeleteWhat sorority were you in?
It does make sense!! I don't think I'm the only one experiencing this - I know my friends are from the other side. I just hope that we keep making an effort to stay in touch, I want them in my life.
DeleteOh and answer your question I am an alumna of Delta Zeta.
Totally hear you and relate to this so much
ReplyDeleteI bet! To be honest I'm even hesitant to try for baby #2 (even though I want more kids) because I know it makes that void even bigger.
DeleteI can definitely relate with you here!! I married my Marine at 19. Had my daughter at 21. I miss the crazy carefree days but I wouldn't change my life for anything!! Luckily I have lots of mom friends as well as non-mom friends too.
ReplyDeleteI need to work on getting some mommy friends.
DeleteI just went through this with my best friend and after 3 years we are just finally starting to reconnect. She is still single but now that most of her other friends are getting married and having kids too she knows how to relate to me a little better now. I'm still me - just with a hubby and a kid!
ReplyDeleteLove your comment Di! I'm still me too!
DeleteI can relate to where you are coming from. I am a SAHM and married. NONE of my friends have kids or are married. Sometimes I wish I could find some married mommy friends to relate to. But the great thing is my friends have not changed, are relationship is still the same, in fact closer.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard when you are on a different path from your friends. Friendships do change, but you can still stay close.
ReplyDeleteI think I most want my friends to know that I still want our paths to cross on occasion. Don't write off the married lady ya know?
DeleteI think this is tough! What helps me with my friends that are in really different situations is to find a neutral ground...silly movies, watching red carpet award shows, walking at a park. Sometimes it just takes a little time :( Hugs to you. I know it's hard.
ReplyDeleteI think as we get older it just gets tougher b/c everyone is so busy and at different points in their lives. However if they are true friends you will always come back to the common ground---it just might not be right now. Or that's how it has been for me :)
ReplyDeleteI completely identify with this, I became a mom very young and, while I still had my friends, our lives became very different and it was hard to keep in touch without things in common. Things will get SO much better as you get older, I promise!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard when people go through life stages at different times. But as long as you guys work at it, your friendship will make it. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful! Your goals and dreams are perfect! Your husband and son are so blessed to have a mother and wife with a a heart like yours. Me staying home (and homeschooling) my boys instead of working as often been the elephant in the room. I have a peace knowing I'm doing what's best for my family, and what I believe with my whole heart God has called me to.
ReplyDeleteI think we all go through this but be proud of the decision that felt good in your heart. It will stick with you for your whole life and your friends should be interested in it. You have a very good head on your shoulders and an even bigger heart in your chest. It will all come together. It just takes a bit of time as you and your friends go through the growing and adjustment period.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I had a career and I traveled and did all sorts of amazing stuff, but being a mom, no matter what your age or stage in life changes so many relationships. Even with my friends who have kids. Because when they just had kids, at least I could easily pop by their houses during naptimes or whatever. Now we have to coordinate our schedules, our kids' schedules, plus the kids are different ages...
ReplyDeleteOk, that wasn't meant to be discouraging, but just to say, I KNOW how you feel. Why don't you just move here? We'll hang out.
I hear you on this one loud and clear. I have a great friend and a sorority sister I love dearly and always will, but she isn't Marie's and doesn't have kids and of course I do. Last time I saw her it was a bit awkward. But you get through it and real friendships won't go away. They will get to this new stage someday too!
ReplyDeleteI still get together with my "sisters" once a year. Since it's been 32 years since we graduated (no, that can't be right) we get to have some really fun weekends in some very cool places. Friends that last through time are the best!
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain, although in my case my friends are wives and mothers. They just chose to take short maternity leaves and get right back to their careers, while I took several years off and even now am only working part-time. It's definitely a lull, but I think the older our kids get, the easier it is. It's lovely to have friends like these, isn't it? Despite the weirdness life sometimes brings.
ReplyDeleteNewest Follower you can follow me back here:acountrygirlcan.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteMotherhood is a great profession. My mother worked when I was a kid and we did OK. Of course she worked for my grandfather so it was kind of a different situation. When your little one is in school you have the opportunity to go back to work and enjoy the best of both worlds.
ReplyDeleteThat is a hard transition to make and I remember it well... hard now on the back end as my kids are older and I'm back to work and some of my friends who waited are just starting the SAHM/baby thing, but true friendships weather the storm.
ReplyDeleteBeing the first to "start your life" can be hard but soon they'll be right where you are. And you'll be the one they clamor to for all the advice!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your and your sorority sisters. We all go through that at one time or another, as the previous commenters have said. But it does get better and you connect with other women in different ways as well. :)
ReplyDeleteHang in there and keep connecting with them despite the lulls. In time, you'll all be in the same space and the lulls will be nonexistent.
I forgot to mention, visiting from SITS. :)
ReplyDeleteI think you have a good attitude! They'll catch up eventually...
ReplyDeleteSo glad you stopped by my blog. I have some incredible friends from high school and college, too, but right now, my closest girlfriends are the ones who are deep in the trenches of motherhood with me. It won't always be that way, but it is for now and true friends will always be your friend no matter what stage of life they are in. I am admiring some of my single friends' accomplishments, too. I know soon enough, they will be where I am. :)
ReplyDeleteI was on the unmarried and no children side for longer than my friends. I loved getting their help and advice.
ReplyDeleteYou will be such great support to your friends when they get there too.