With each scream he thrusts his arms and pushes off the balls of his feet. The first time? He pointed in between outbursts. I signed and asked, desperately trying to understand what he wanted, what he needed. His screams continued.
Then, he was in his highchair for dinner time. Eating is normally smooth sailing in our household. Fists. Knuckles. Rocking. Tomato. Clenching. Growls. "More eat?" I sign. "All done?" I ask. His frustration rolls down his cheeks.
Finally? A normal diaper change, a simple task that is done time and time again. Fists. Knuckles. Rocking. Tomato. Clenching. Growls. He rolls over and over impatient to make his escape.
In that instance I find myself wishing I hadn't had a baby, remembering why I "didn't like children." In that same instance the shame I feel for even thinking that thought buries me with guilt. (My embarrassment returns even writing that line.)
We both cry.
**
As soon as Little Man turned one a switch was flipped. My sweet, loving little man disappeared and we are in full blown tantrum mode. Is it the three teeth coming in? The fact that my mom is here and we don't get out of the house? Is Jackson bored or being ignored? Does he want to communicate and finds himself frustrated?
I don't know how to parent in this situation. I cried last night discussing it with my husband. This is where I feel like I can "mess up" my son. I don't want him to be the bad kid, the spoiled kid, the tantrum kid.
Is this normal? I am lost and I just want my son back.
It's just a phase, mama. Just love on him, and if you need to, when he's throwing a fit, ignore him. Walk away. He's getting that attention from you and he feeds off of it. If he sees that it's not affecting you (because you're hiding that it is), he'll either stop or wear himself out. It won't last forever. Promise!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear it won't last forever. I'm just so afraid that my reaction is not the correct one and I'm going to do permanent, unreverseable damage.
Deletelike Greta said - it's just a phase. As heartbreaking as it is, he'll grow out of it.
ReplyDeleteMy little girl has just emerged from the other side of an unbearably horrible stage...
Keep calm and carry on :)
Keep calm and carry on! Will do!
DeleteI hate to say it, but I guess it is a phase. I say I guess because my oldest never went thru a temper tantrum phase. Makayla (2 year old) however, throws the worst fits I have ever seen in my life, and I've done alot of babysitting.... I have raised her the same way I raised Jazzy, aside from having an older sibling of course. Different kids just really are wired differently somehow, and there's nothing we can do sometimes but keep on loving them. Disciplining her doesn't work. Only thing that does work is threatening to call Daddy, and even then it takes saying it a few times for it to kick in =/ I hate to use that but man - sometimes she leaves me no choice lol. I used to be one of those moms (when I had one "good child" haha) that looked at mom's that had kids throwing fits like they didn't know how to keep a handle on their kids... but now I am one of those mom's... sigh =/
ReplyDeleteSorry so long, oops! Big hugs, hang in there!
Don't apologize for your long comment! I'm thankful for the advice!
DeleteI agree 100 percent with Greta! Its just a phase. Before you know it, you'll have your boy back. Dont wish away this phase too fast--it will be gone before you know it.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, it's perfectly normal. They are going through growing pains and pushing for independence, at the same time, they still need you.
ReplyDeleteThe baby won't be back, but a little boy you will love to death will emerge.
When they hit 2, they'll change again!
Oh mama, don't be so hard on yourself. It's a phase, and this too shall pass. When Dylan started walking, she went through the same thing. They're developing so rapidly, but they don't have the tools yet to process all this new stuff, so they get frustrated. And then we get frustrated and feel like we're doing it wrong. We've all been there. Hang in there, the good stuff is coming :)
ReplyDeleteI was hoping it might be because he started walking and his little brain is just working on overtime right now.
DeleteHang in there. This will pass in time. Boy's of all ages get cranky every now and again.
ReplyDeleteHah even my husband is like this sometimes! (If I'm being honest, so am I!)
DeleteIt's SO hard when they work through the different phases and stages. I promise it's not forever! Fingers crossed it passes quickly.
ReplyDeleteEvery child has their moments. They pass. xo
ReplyDeleteGood to hear! This is our first major personality change and it scares me a little haha
DeleteAwww! We all have our tough days where nothing we do make them happy. Hang in there...I agree with everyone and think it's probably just a phase or teething! Oh how I loathe teething!
ReplyDeleteJust breathe. This will pass. Not soon enough, but eventually. Some days are definitely better than others but, as a mother of an 8-yr-old boy, I can promise you that you are going to enjoy him so much more with each passing day.
ReplyDeleteMy least favorite years were always the early ones. In my opinion, four is perfect. One day he'll take your hand in his and walk with you in the park and you'll think "yes, this is why I had kids."
Right now, in this stage, you are totally allowed to wonder what you were thinking when you decided to procreate!
*HUGS*
As hard as it is, try being him for a moment and it makes the tempers easier to understand. Also, when they act like this it's when they need the most love. Don't feel bad for thinking what you think, we all do it. Promise.
ReplyDeleteOh girl... it is a phase. I want to tell you it passes and they get easier, but ... another phase will come. When he starts telling you "real" words. :) The only way you can parent this is to keep doing what you are doing. You can love, discipline, and show by example. This phase will pass. I can remember chasing the kids around and **spanking** them because they wouldn't let me change their diaper.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it's a phase as he's testing his independence. We haven't had this yet (but we have plenty of whining which I ignore or gently admonish). I myself am not sure what I'll do when she does have a tantrum. It's hard. Be patient with him and yourself. It'll get better.
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely a phase and the fact that you are signing with him is awesome! I signed with my daughter and it helped so much because it gave her a way to communicate before she could talk. Parenting is hard, and you'll have bad days and good ones. I have days where I feel like the worst mother on the face of the planet and then there are days where my kids are so good and pleasant it makes me want to have ten more! Haha! These ups and downs are normal. You are doing anything BUT screwing up your son! You are strong! You are awesome! You can do this! ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI almost gave up on signing because J never did it back. I'm glad I didn't because one day he started doing like five signs an even if he can't do them himself he still responds when I do them.
DeleteIt has seriously helped so much with communicating with him. I can't help avoid his temper by knowing what he tries to say!
This too shall pass. Remember those words whenever something like this comes up. You're not a bad momma for thinking what you think either. All parents think things that they feel guilty about afterwards...in fact, all PEOPLE do. I have a teen and a tween and am going through a rough patch with my teen daughter at this moment...and this post brought me back to several times in her life where I was in the same boat. I am now once again embarking on new parenthood once again and expecting a new baby in July 2012!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your pregnancy and thank you for the support!
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