Pour Your Heart Out

My mom has Huntington's Disease. She is currently living with me until we can find a permanent solution for her care.

When you walk into my house with your cigarette because you forgot that it was lit, I want to scream and tell you to get out.

When you ask me to light your cigarette for you, I want to snap and tell you that you shouldn't be smoking them anyway. The holes in your clothing prove it.

When you slam your coffee cup down again and again at lunch, I want to do more than sigh and remind you to be quiet while the baby is napping.

When you complain and demand to get your way, I want to send you to little man's room for a time out.

When you wake me before the sun is up or in the middle of the night to help you turn the TV on or unlock the door, I want to push you out of the bedroom.

When I have to set my son aside to help you because you can't wait, I want to cry in frustration and ignore you.

When you do things that are improper and then say you can't help it, I want to gag and show you my disgust.

When you refuse to listen in public and almost get hurt, I want to scold you and tell you that you are not in charge.

But I don't.

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 I'm linking up with Shell for Pour Your Heart Out. Thanks for giving me a space to share the Things I Can't Say.

My Son The Shoplifter

I was brave enough last week to agree to take my mom to the store to pick up a few things. Getting her and little man ready and out of the house is a ton of work to do by yourself. She can't walk very well and is super clumsy so you have to have both hands free to guide her around and prevent accidents. Luckily, I can usually wear Jackson in a baby carrier and let mom push the cart to steady herself.

It was all going surprisingly well, I could see the registers in the distance! Then little man decided he was sick of being stuck on mama. I pulled a Hail Mary out of the parenting playbook, a last resort to help us finish checking out. I grabbed a little stuffed dog off the shelf and successfully stopped the shrieks.

I was pretty impressed with myself as we began walking out of the doors. That is, until the security scanner started beeping indicating that something had not been paid for. I immediately looked at my mother wondering if she had grabbed something unintentionally. The employee chuckled and pointed to the culprit strapped to my chest.

My son, the shoplifter, and his spoils (which of course I immediately paid for after realizing I couldn't crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment.) He looks pretty proud of himself, doesn't he?

Circus Birthday Party Tutorials

I have been asked for directions for the crafts I made for little man's first birthday party. Enjoy these tutorials!

Three Tiered Cake Stand

Supplies:

• (3) Ascending plates, decreasing in size (large, medium, small. I bought ceramic plates but if you can find lighter plates that would make the stand more secure.)
• (2) Brass candle sticks (length varies. How far apart do you want the plates?)
• (1) Ceramic glue (I used a small tube of Crazy Glue)
• (1) Can of spray paint, color of your choice

Directions:

1. Wash and dry the plates and candle sticks thoroughly. (I bought mine at the thrift store. You want to make sure anything that might keep the glue from bonding or paint from sticking should be removed.)
2. Begin with largest plate. Layer glue in the middle of the plate and on the bottom of the first candle stick.
3. Place in center of the plate, press down for at least one minute. (I let each "layer" dry while I prepped party food.)
4. After the first layer is secure, glue the top of the candlestick to the bottom of the second plate.

5. Press down and let dry.
6. Repeat steps 3-5 until all three plates are connected and secure.
7. Let dry
8. Spray paint in safe area (I used cheap spray paint and it only took two even layers to fully cover my plates.)
9. Enjoy! Remember that the spray painted plates are not safe for direct food contact. Place a cute doily down before adding cupcakes or snacks.

Banana Pops

Supplies:

• (2) Bushels of bananas
• (1) pack of Popsicle sticks or fondue sticks
• (1) pack of almond bark chocolate
• (1) bowl
• (1) spoon
• (1) jar of cooking oil
• (1) large platter
• (1) knife

Directions:

1. Cut each banana into fourths (no one wants awkward shaped banana pops!)
2. Cut sticks in half to create short handles
3. Freeze bananas on platter for 15 minutes
4. Insert sticks into the middle of each banana piece (be careful not to crack the bananas)
5. Microwave 2 pieces of almond bark and 1 teaspoon of oil for 50 seconds, stir quickly until chocolate is smooth and thin
6. Spin banana pieces in chocolate until layered (It is messy and doesn't have to look perfect, when it freezes it will even out.)
7. Repeat steps 5 & 6 when chocolate begins reforming (For best results, rinse out bowl between rounds)
8. Freeze for 30 minutes
9. Remove and refrigerate until serving

Happy Birthday Banner / Pennant

Supplies:

• (12) pieces of card stock in 3 colors of your choice for a total of (48) pieces
• (1) roll of ribbon in corresponding color
• scissors
• hole punch
• glue
• Alphabet stencils, pack of letter (or you can also print out the letters you need and cut them out)

Directions:

1. Use a straight edge to create a triangle template/stencil in two corresponding sizes
2. Trace and cut out 20 triangles in two colors (40 total, this is for a sign reading "Happy Birthday Jackson" adjust for the number of letters you need)
3. Glue triangles on top of each other, layering (One color of triangles should be smaller and go "on top" of other color)
4. Cut circles in third color to frame each letter (I used a cup to trace) 
5. Glue each letter on one circle
6. Glue each circle to the center of each triangle
7. Hole punch corners of each triangle and lace ribbon through tying ends (I chose to separate "Happy Birthday" and "Jackson" to create two signs) You can also create a mini banner for your child's highchair by creating a smaller triangle template

The Apartment Monster

My apartment complex has unique residents. There are families with kids, college students, retired people, the works.

I overheard two little boys talking yesterday while I was taking the dogs for a walk. Their imaginations were spewing a tale about a monster roaming the apartment buildings.

"He has two big scary wolves that run around and jump," The first kiddo was describing.

The second little boy interrupted: "Did you see the hump on its back? And the pink and red claws on its feet?"
I couldn't hear what the other boy responded. All I caught was "lion's mane" before they ran off.

I just chuckled and opened my door.

They weren't talking about me, right?
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Linking up with It's Blogworthy and SurferWife for Blogger's Worst Dressed.

One Is The Loneliest Number

One used to be such a meager number. A lonely number. An unimportant number.

One beer.

One dollar.

One more hour.

One more day.

Then I became a mother and the significance of the number one grew exponentially.

One smile.

One word.

One step.

We celebrated ONE in all of its greatness this weekend. And what better way to celebrate our little peanut than in true circus fashion? Peanuts, crackerjacks, corndogs, banana pops, pretzels, and soda in ceremonious glass bottles.

I would be lying if I said it went off without a hitch. A silly cake stand breaking almost brought me to tears after an-almost-all-nighter dipping bananas in chocolate, until my hubby reminded me that this day was about him. The one we brought into this world together, our son.

That one? Didn't care if the lanterns couldn't be hung from the ceiling or the table decorations were missing from two of the tables. That one? He rode the carousel at least eight times, clapping along with the music, his shrieks of delight echoing off the backs of horses and giant elephants.

I am proud to let you know that I didn't cry during the big day. Although, the night before I kept catching myself getting choked up during our regular routine. His last bath before being one. The bedtime book he picked out. Would this be the last time I rocked him while he ate?

Yup, no tears at the party but there were plenty the night before. And that is ok. Because life? Is not always perfect but we are enjoying the ride.

This blurry family portrait? Courtesy of life. It is my favorite.

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The giveaway winner was selected thanks to the handy-dandy random number generator.

Congratulations Natalie! Please email me within 48 hours to claim your custom designed invitations!

It's His Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

Want a custom designed invite for your next party? Enter my giveaway now! $150 value!
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Tomorrow is the big day.

My little man will be ONE.

Our apartment is littered with tangerine, turquoise and circus red decorations. Our fridge is packed with only the finest junk food - fit for only the best carnival.

It is his party but this mama will cry if I want to.

A Not So Wordless Wednesday

Want a custom designed invite for your next party? Enter my giveaway now! $150 value!
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How do you prepare your children for loss? It is something that I hoped Jackson would not experience for a long time; I hoped to shield his heart from such a hurt.

I remember when I first learned that people we love, things we love, they don't live forever. I was 12 and I watched the bus driver run over my dog. I was devastated and even chased after the bus, throwing a rock at the back window. Clearly, I have never handled loss well.

Five days ago my husband's grandfather passed. Little man made four generations of Kanatzar men; that four has now became three.

Clearly a not-yet-one-year-old doesn't really understand; however, I told him why mama and dada were sad, he deserved to know why there were tears. This loss makes me dread the future. I hate to imagine how it will be when Jackson is old enough to understand, to hurt and cry along with us.

Grandpa Wayne lived a long eighty-four years. Eighty-four years full of kicking butt and taking names. Eighty-four years of laughter. Eighty-four years of mischievous twinkle. Alzheimer's may have taken his mind but it could never take his spirit.

Thank you Grandpa Wayne for teaching me to see things in a new light. I will always smile and think of you when I see a fork.

Now, as he would say "Hell, get on with it."

It's My SITS Day!

My husband officially thinks I have gone insane. Any time I mention the SITS Girls his eyes glaze over until he eventually says "Oh that website community thing for your blog." That little statement barley uncovers the tip of the iceberg of what this amazing community is. The short of it? The SITS Girls are a blogging community of over 15,000 women who are all about supporting one another. They provide education, tips and spotlight one feature blogger each day. Today? Is MY day.



New to Life As Wife? Welcome and Happy Valentine's Day if you celebrate that kind of thing. Around here? These high school sweethearts like to try and live every day like it is a commercialized-holiday-for-telling-those-you-love-that-you-love-them.

We are very nontraditional. I normally tend to get a little winded because I am a chatter box but long story short? We chose to get engaged in high school. We chose to get married in college. We chose to become an Army family. We chose to become crazy-dog people. We chose to have a baby when we were 23 and 22. And then? I chose to drop-kick my very expensive education and amazing editorial job to become a stay at home mom.

 Basically it is a crazy-train around here but I can promise you if you chose to sail with us you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll roll your eyes and you'll experience a unique family bond that is real - through the good and bad.

Join me as I try to navigate this life. I hope you find buried treasure!

Sharing the Love

It's Monday and that means there are only FIVE days until little man's-circus-first-birthday-extravaganza.

I keep looking over his amazing birthday invitations and just daydreaming about the big day.

Can you blame me? I am lucky enough to have gone to college with Giselle Paris an amazing graphic designer. She was my first stop when I knew I wanted creative, colorful, unique invitations for the big bash. (Yup, I am totally being "that mom" and going WAY overboard for my child's birthday. I am ok with that, no shame here!)

The quality paper? The vibrant colors? The quick turn around time? The great customer service? All of my crazy ideas that most people can't visualize? Giselle has got it.

And in honor of Jackson's first birthday we are sharing the love and celebrating with all of you! How? By giving away a custom Giselle Paris graphic design for invitations to the party of your choice. This is a $150 value - FOR FREE.

So do you want to start your next party off with a bang? Be entered to win a free design courtesy of Giselle Paris by simply telling me what big party you need an invitation for next in a comment below!

Really want to win? For optional entries you can do the following:

1. Follow Life As Wife on Twitter (leave your twitter handle in a seperate comment.)
2. Follow Giselle Paris Designs on Twitter (leave a seperate comment letting me know you did.)
3. Tweet about the giveaway (leave the link to your tweet in a seperate comment. You may tweet twice.) Anything similar to this works great! "Custom party invite giveaway over at @samkanatzar. Graphic design by @GiselleRene, a $150 value! http://goo.gl/ayWeY"
   
   

We believe in celebrating all week long so this giveaway will be open until next Monday, February 20. The winner will be randomly selected and notified via email. They will receive a free graphic design (up to six hours of design time, valued at $150) and will only be responsible for printing, paper and shipping costs.
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To contact Giselle Paris about your next design find her on Twitter or LinkedIn.

I received discounted invitations in exchange for this post; however, I really think Giselle is an amazing designer and my opinions are my own.

Cookies, Black Eyes & Lessons in Parenting

Mornings where you stick to the same ole' routine are just boring. Sometimes, you have to throw a wrench in the system and enjoy the unexpected. Our wrench? Baking cookies at 10 o'clock in the morning.

Our wrench was particularly sweet as little man experienced his first cookie and milk. He doesn't really get sweets that often and has never had a chocolate chip cookie. He loved it so much and had a milk mustache and melted chocolate all over his face. 

A bath was in order; I didn't even get my panties in a wad about it not being on the typical schedule. Jackson loves the water and it was just another chance to play together.

That is - until he decided he wanted to stand up in the tub. Just as I was reaching over to sit him down, telling him that we don't stand in the tub, he slipped and smashed his face hard. I immediately scooped him up declaring it to be a terrible black eye due to the swelling - until one of his tears fell and it was red. Yup, he slit his eye open on impact.

Luckily it stopped bleeding before I could get us all dressed and ready to head to the ER. Minus how terrible he looks, he was a champ!

Later on, I didn't want Jackson to be scared of the bath tub after his big fall so I decided we would face it together.

The plan went off with out a hitch until I noticed that someone had pooped in the bathtub and that someone was not me.

At least the day started with cookies, right?

Wordless Wednesday: Day Old

Little man will be ONE in TEN days! Why do I keep picturing him at ONE day old?

A Phone Call

My hands trembled when I pressed the "add call" button.

"Silly," I muttered to myself. I knew this had to be done. But it didn't make it any easier. I laughed at myself when my little brother's voice on the other line soothed me. We were in this together.

"What did you guys want to talk about?" My sister asked.

"I know you are doing everything you can and so am I but it is not enough." I explained my heartache.

The time has come when we - my brother, sister and myself - have to make a tough decision. One that needs to be made. A right decision. One we have all agreed on through tears. One that my mother may never forgive me for. But a decision that will prolong her time with us and make her life easier...

Happier.

Fuller.

We are going to re-home my mom. Somewhere safe where she has twenty-four hour care and attention. Some place where we have family members that work. Some place close by so we can all bombard her with visitors and let her know that she hasn't been left or forgotten.

Some place where we can try to forget about Huntington's Disease and the suffering it causes.

A place where my mom can live and show Huntington's that she is not going down without a fight.

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This struggle my family is currently going through is nothing compared to some sad news I learned today. A very influential and amazing blogger passed away today. Please stop by and show her family your support. And if you wouldn't mind -- keep my mom in your thoughts as well.

How Motherhood Helped Me Get My Swag Back

In high school everyone thought I was a fake because I floated from group to group never sticking with one clique. I couldn't help it that I liked to read, was a good student, played sports and liked alternative music.

In college I was the "mom at the zoo." It was an endearing nickname that I had earned because I carried a Mary Poppins bag with everything you could ever need inside. I was the responsible one, I went out with my sorority sisters but I was typically the designated driver. I made some of my best friends in college but I never really fit in 100 percent. I was always a little different.

Then this happened.

I became a mother and I got my swag back (or found it rather since it seems I never really had it in the first place.)

Maybe it was because I was eating healthy and concerned with how my weight affected my unborn child or maybe it is because I finally found my calling. Either way, motherhood looked good on me. I have lost tons of weight without trying, I am eating right, getting outside on walks and taking trips to the park. I run around constantly chasing my little man.

But mainly? I'm utterly and completely happy and I really think it is shining through my confidence and appearance.

That's how mama got her swag back!

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This post was inspired by Mama Kat's pretty much world famous writer's workshop prompt number 4.) Share a photo that was taken of you, that you think really captures who you are.

Wordless Wednesday: Story of Us